Hello, all!
Welcome back to the blog, sorry for my absence,
but absence makes the heart grow fonder as they say. This time, think that I
have good reason for lack of updates: First of all, as you can see in the
previous post, I’ve been on vacation for about a month, but all good things
must come to an end --- and I this case, a rather sticky one. After a great
time traveling in Europe and around Western Russia, I had to check into a
hospital in Moscow for an acute kidney infection. Thought I just had a sore
back, until it turned into a fever , “malaise” (new word for Sarah!) and
eventually the inability to walk, sit, stand, or lie down. I’m feeling good and
healthy right now, so I’m not going to sugar-coat this: This was the worst
condition I have ever been in. AND I was in Russia. With both of my parents in
medical professions for most of my life, I’ve never had to deal with something
like this on my own, much less in a foreign country. I didn’t know what to do,
who to call, where to go --- After my program director didn’t answer her phone,
I resorted to the internet to figure out exactly how bad things might be. After
a skype with my mother, followed by a quick self check-up on Web-MD I realized that this kind of pain and fever
probably wasn’t going to get better overnight with sleep, Tylenol, and fluids. Hello,
2am ambulance… what’s that? You want to put a needle in my backside? Well, I’ve
never had that done bef --- SSSSHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!EEEEEZZZZZUS!!!!!!
Cut to me, sitting in a hospital bed, in the worst condition
of my life, without any personal belongings (which were in my backpack in a
hotel), thousands of miles from any family or friends. I won’t go as far as to
say that this was a good experience for me, but it put a lot of things into perspective.
In the hospital I had a lot of time to think, especially about all of the things
I take for granted: Not only my health, but also my time, the people around me,
my independence, and my seemingly endless supply of luck (which had thus far
kept me from harm’s way during all of my crazy escapades). In retrospect, I
learned a lot of things about myself and what kind of life I want to live. At
the time, things weren’t so rosy.
In the hospital, I
came to know a completely different side of myself. I was alone, stressed about my situation and the concern of my loved ones, frustrated with people who
seemed not to understand my pain, bitter towards others who didn't call or visit. I never want to be hospitalized again,
because I never want to see this side of myself. That's not me. Thankfully I had one
small outlet, and that was my computer. Although it was extremely uncomfortable
and inconvenient to use in the hospital, it gave me the chance to exchange
occasional messages with the people I love.
Every reaction I received was different --- Some gave me the
gift of rationalism: “Well, you’re in the hospital. You’re not healthy. You
have to wait it out and things will get better.” This response gave me a level
head. Don’t freak out, this isn’t permanent. From others there was worry: “How
are you feeling? What medications are you taking? Do things seem to be working?
What are your latest test results?” This
pure love and concern made me feel more in control by keeping on top of my
situation. Some saintly few brought me distraction: “Well, being in the
hospital sucks, do you want to hear some news? Let me tell you…” Thank goodness
for those of you who offered me unhindered, normal human conversation that took
my mind off all my other worries. Lastly, in response to my hospital blues were
professions of my strength and ability. “So you’re in the
hospital --- find a way out, mentally. You’re stronger than this. Make things
better for yourself.” These are words I tell myself on a regular basis, but
I didn’t want to hear them when I was sick. I loathed hearing them when all I
was prepared to hear were words of sympathy. But perhaps these words were
necessary and helpful as well. When I felt stronger physically, I had these
words close by to keep me going. When I had
enough energy, these words motivated me to escape in any way I could --- Watch the German news in the lobby, visit my favorite nurse from the Emergency room, and eventually go on a walk around the WHOLE
hospital (even though every floor looked the same and I looked like a crazy
mental-ward escapee).
I’m happy to be out of the hospital, and to be home safe in
Irkutsk. I hope this post doesn’t bring anyone any pain or unnecessary worry on
my behalf. I am feeling fine, still taking medicine and having a check-up next
week to see if my infection is gone. The Russians tell me that kidney issues
come from cold, so I am keeping warm. I
am drinking lots of fluids, I am lightening my work schedule and eating good
food. I’m also counting all of my
blessings: That my program was able to help me by taking away all financial
worry, that I had so many great people around me to help me when I needed it. I’m
thankful to all of the other Fulbrighters who reached out to me as I was
missing our long-awaited reunion in Moscow, and that I have so many other
people in my life who love me and care about me. I love you all back.
More, happier news to come! Thanks for reading, and happy upcoming V-day! (I am making homemade valentines with paper hearts and candies... Get ready, Siberia.)
All my love, as always,
Sarah
